'SIT YO' AZZ DOWN!'

 

photo captured during the rise of the wild woman retreat by phoenix white | photographer giuliavasta_photography

 

I’m sure we’ve all had that moment where we’ve heard ‘SIT YO’ AZZ DOWN’ from someone before. well, this time for me it was God + the Universe. I am one that loves to flow freely and do whatever, but sometimes my soul just needs a break or maybe there’s a lesson to be learned… or maybe just maybe i am in need of deep soulful rest. i know i am not the only one that’s ever experienced this…right?!

my season of 38 days were pure hell for me [this heavy dark weight started around December 10, 2021 and ended right before our first full moon in January 2022]. It brought back a cycle of depression and dark drowning thoughts. Luckily this time around I understood what was happening and that this was not my true self — BUT … the struggle was still real. every day I wondered how long this ‘season’ would last and if i would feel like this on my upcoming 38th bearthday, which I wanted desperately not to feel so down and out.

I slept a lot, but it wasn’t good rest. As my days began to become lighter with the heavy weight lifting I started to have these amazing dreams; some were quite comical. Needless to say I fell in LOVE with sleeping [lol] as it brought a tiny moment of joy to my life.

back to the point…

y’all i was battling with something and the spiritual weight was extremely heavy. i had flashbacks to my first journey with mama aya [ayahuasca — plant medicine] and i heard a voice say ‘whatever you need to purge…purge, but don’t allow yourself to stay there’. that spoke to my soul. i also remembered that i was shown the things that i have had a hard time with and one of them is reaching out to others and asking for help. i have struggled with this my whole entire life and it is truly crippling to a degree. i am miss independent to the core. i love to help others, but when it comes to myself … i don’t return the same type of love. this is horrible i tell ya!

so what was it that triggered me to this rough patch?!

well! many of you know that i am an entrepreneur and i resigned from corporate America in January 2020. i have been so blessed to live a fabulous lifestyle that i manifested [yes! i am very intentional about creating vision boards] , but the bills were finally starting to pile up — so money became a trigger point for me because ‘i do not do debt!’…period! also, some other things have shifted in my life and put a slight pause on my international travels — as a true aquarian free spirit y’all know my soul is dying inside. i thrive in the skies and frolicking throughout tropical jungles in foreign land. i know i will get back to doing what i love as i please — but i really just don’t like sitting still especially in antarctica [aka windy city chi] — the struggle is real! lastly, my love life was sending me over the edge — i had to constantly remind myself that i know who i am, i know what i want, i know what i desire, and i know i am deserving and worthy of it all — experiencing a healthy fluid fulfilling relationship is my true hearts’ desire so i will continue to be patient and wait for my blessing.

because i know you’re going to ask…how did i manage to come out of that rough season?

my soul tribe queens - zegasus is in the red top!

i knew i had to change or continue to suffer. i finally asked for help [pats self on shoulder]. i expressed to my tribe soul sister, COURTNEY ‘zegasus’ DERRELL, [MSW, CHP, AND OWNER OF MAGIC OF SACRED ARTS], that i was not feeling my best, i wasn’t myself and that something heavy was weighing on me. i asked her if she had the capacity…could she hold space for me and lift me up. let me tell you — just the sheer fact of me expressing that to her made me feel lighter instantly [not only did she pour into me during that moment, but she made an effort to constantly check in on me + my well-being, which meant the world to me — as i often feel alone in this world]. now of course, i still had work to do, but that was a great start. she instantly listened to me and asked a few questions — because we’re spiritually aligned she recommended a few things that would assist in helping during this season. the funny part about it all is that it was everything i already had in my zen bliss toolbox, but i just needed a gentle reminder. i started tapping back into everything and within a week i started truly feeling like myself again and all of those #innergeticVIBEZ started to flow at a higher frequency — which led me to stop procrastinating and writing this blog post [because i am a perfectionist + overthinker — it’s the small ounce of Capricorn in me]. also, the upcoming full wolf moon in Capricorn that i just experienced on January 17th gave me the most amazing burst of creative innergy [thank you jesus!].

so what did zegasus recommend? ps. it took me a couple of days to gather my things, but they have helped tremendously.

now don’t get me wrong — did my ‘situations’ magically disappear that were a triggering factor in all of this emotional low vibrational season — no! but my perspective changed, i found motivation again to address the issues at hand, and reminded myself that i could do this — and this too shall pass!

ps. i don’t take my experiences lightly as i know there is always a message + lesson to be learned. i am grateful that i was chosen to share my experiences with the collective. if you’ve made it down this far — as always thanks for tapping out so you can tap in with yourself!

PS. BE SURE TO CHECK OUT ZEGASUS LATEST VLOG ABOUT ‘CATCH THIS WORD | SIT IN IT’ — she’s out here dropping gems y’all!

much love, peace + gratitude,

xo mz april lynne


MENTAL HEALTHmz April LynneMENTAL HEALTH, DEPRESSION, ANXIETYComment